August

On the 29th of July 2002, my parents told me they had had an unexpected windfall and were sharing it with family. It is enough money to fix our motorycles. Don's bike has needed an expensive repair for the longest time, which is why he started using mine, which is part of why I hadn't ridden since 1999. We set to work on Arnie, and Arnie is not just back on the road (though in need of an oil leak fix) but also I have been riding in car parks and getting steadily better. Something came more alive in me since then than I've felt for the last three years. I could feel my muse starting to happen - this article is one of the results! - snatches of stories and narrative going through my mind as we rode.

I had been feeling frustrated and impatient, worried about our finances (even though I know that Don is looking for a job, and understand why it must be the right one given his experiences with the last job, it is threatening to my Taurus-rising sense of security to be eating up the savings now). On a walk a couple of days ago, we saw a beautiful white egret fishing in a local ditch. I saw the egret yesterday, and then got out my Druid Animal Oracle and the crane came up in the "mental" position of my spread. At Ravensmeet, I recently met a wonderful lady with Native American roots, and she explained that one of the egret's messages was "patience". This has actually spurred me to take a look at druidry again - I feel strongly that part of this journey I want to take will be to connect more closely to the land through which I travel, and that there is more to it than "just" an earthly adventure. In other words, the journey is already assuming some different aspects from that originally envisaged - which is usually a sign from the wyrd that it's a good direction in which to head.

Oddly, now that I have started noticing the egret/crane, I feel significantly more grounded and peaceful. The right people, the right guidance, the right signals... For every person such signals are different, but we all have access to them if we remember to look.

I read Lonely Planet - California and Nevada and marked off places to see. There are lots! I also obtained a copy of Woodall's Tenting Directory and drooled over destinations with weird names... I figure we will visit some places just for the names!

I borrowed books from the library - two about photography, and two more Lonely Planet Guides - the Deep South and Florida. Also, a book about the meanings of animal guides and how to work with them. Immersion in the things I want to achieve, by reading, has always helped me get where I want to be.

September/October

To my intense surprise, my muse awoke with editing Rhaeva and I discovered a desire to write fiction as well as non-fiction. It's funny how the wyrd comes up with these little gifts and clues to what you should be doing.

I took Don on the back of my motorcycle for the first time. He's making no effort to arrange for his own bike to be fixed, so if he doesn't do it soon he'll be riding around behind me. I'm ready to be out and about.

Towards the end of October I was accepted into iUniverse's "Writer's Showcase" program, an edited program which only accepts books which are "very good" (not my words). For the first time in many years I started to believe in my ability as a writer. This is a huge development and it's not every day that a 26-year-old dream comes true. I can't begin to tell you how proud and excited I am about this.

I'm now working on the sequel, or will be when the busiest part of my year is complete. I'm incredibly touched by the support I've received with this whole thing and excited by the potential of it all.

I took advice from the I-Ching and will try to schedule some travel time/a retreat. I need to have a good long think about Affordable Astrology Reports and, indeed, the future of my business. I studied Guerrilla Marketing to get ideas for promoting it, but I've decided also to revive an older wyrdling and recognise a very old wish balloon, which is to become a qualified astrologer. I'll be picking up the old Faculty of Astrological Studies course soon.

I have a deep need to be out in nature, away from computers, to think. I will have to see about connecting to my spiritual side while I'm out there, as I don't think I can do any of this without it. I think I might have to learn to let go, and have tried (fairly successfully) to stop worrying about having no income. We're not due to run out of money for a few months yet. I think perhaps this lesson is really about starting from scratch.

The day trading thing hasn't panned out, yet. We have been badly let down by our stock brokerage which has taken over two months to release the proceeds of our last trade, thus forcing us to spend our savings rather than invest them.

Oh well, I'm sure that something helpful will happen at the last minute - this is called trusting the wyrd. I trust the wyrd better than I do my brokerage accounts. For the first time in my life, I'm actually thinking of suing for compensation, as our plans have been badly compromised by other people's slackness.

Or then, maybe the lesson in this is to let go of plans. There is, after all, always a lesson hanging around somewhere. I'm leary of lawsuits because they always smack of "blame", and blame is one of the things that kicks a lesson back in your face time and time again. It's also one of the things that is terribly wrong with the society in which I live - everything must be someone's fault, it seems, even if it's blatantly your own.

This time, though, I feel that it may be worth looking at, because the organisation in question didn't fulfil its obligations to us properly - and that has to do with responsibility.

Haven't decided yet. Another question to float in the wyrd and decide upon.